


Sincerely Castiel

by Apolloclover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is Lucifer, Confessions, Dean in Denial, Letters, M/M, Sam is awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 10:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6607642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apolloclover/pseuds/Apolloclover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Dear Dean,</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>This may come across as strange to you but I wish for you to have an explanation. I have placed it in your condom drawer for the sole reason that you tend to go in there the most out of any of them. I do have to admit I assumed that this drawer would have more condoms in it than these pictures. I must say I rather like the one of the two of us on the couch. Sam must have taken it while we were watching television. Well I must apologize for going through your drawers, one of the first of many apologies but it is a good place to start. </i>
</p>
<p>Dean finds a letter from Castiel and the contents break his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sincerely Castiel

Dean has a drawer in his room that nobody knows the true contents of. Not even Sam knows of it. He hadn't looked through it since he went to hell and just avoided it altogether once he discovered what Cas had done. 

It was filled to the brim of photos. Photos of all of his loved ones, even Garth was in one. The was one person with more photos of him than anybody else in all of the people he cared of. A person who he really needed to see right now and a picture, although a poor substitute, would have to do for now. 

Dean opened up the drawer and looked down into in expecting what was always there but there was a small envelop there, right on top of everything. He reached for it curiously to see an awkward scrawl that could be nobodies other than Castiel's. He lifted it to his nose and smelled the Castiel's scent of honey and dirt. 

His heart was heavy and he tried to figure out how long that letter had been there. How long I had gotten there. Castiel believed the drawer was for condoms so there was no need for him to worry about Cas going through it. So why this drawer of all places to leave a letter?

Dean deftly open it to find two pieces of parchment covered in Castiel's scrawl with a small doodle of a bumblebee in the corner. 

_Dear Dean,_

_This may come across as strange to you but I wish for you to have an explanation. I have placed it in your condom drawer for the sole reason that you tend to go in there the most out of any of them. I do have to admit I assumed that this drawer would have more condoms in it than these pictures. I must say I rather like the one of the two of us on the couch. Sam must have taken it while we were watching television. Well I must apologize for going through your drawers, one of the first of many apologies but it is a good place to start._

_Well I do wish to move on to the more pressing matters of where I am right now. I wrote this letter as soon as I discovered where we will be heading since I know what Lucifer will demand of Sam, a vessel. We all know he will and I have a plan for how to save Sam and the world without you having to sacrifice anything far too valuable. My vessel is strong and will not be able to support an archangel. However, I myself can be a vessel for him safely. My form will still be inside of James but using me as vessel will not affect mine. He will be controlling me and through me controlling James. At least I hope so, you never know these kinds of things. Anyways you will have Sam and I will be of use to you again. Just do me a favor and don't do something totally stupid, I will no longer be of use to heal you and fighting Amara will not be easy with an injury._

_I have to apologize now, as any decent being would, for taking up so much of your time. You spent unnecessary amounts of resources in your quest to free me from the attack dog spell. You let Rowena escape and I had hurt you. Just like that time in the crypt. I keep hurting you because I am not strong enough to overcome people who are lesser beings. I am weak even for man's standards. Sam himself fought against lucifer and Bobby resisted a demon. I can not even fight a witch._

_Also, I am sorry for my worst crime of all, falling in love with you. I am sure I have made you uncomfortable many of times. I actually have made a list of things which make you feel unpleasant as to ensure you no longer tell me to go away anymore. (Staring and personal space are at the top I assure you.) I am sorry for ruining your attempts at picking up those women at bars and making you feel obligated to assist me with that task. I know you were just trying to help and all I did was get you kicked out of that club. Once again my sincerest apologies to you for that._

_Once I knew what we were going to be walking into I could only think of the night again. Going to confront an archangel and it will be me who helps out by protecting you from the situation someone else put you into. After all, someone as righteous as you deserves to be saved and we all know you will not be the one doing so. It is my last night on earth Dean, I want to spend it with you again. Though perhaps more in the way that Anna had. She said she made you feel good and I wish to as well. As an apology for all the problems I have caused you and for at least one person to remember me without total disdain. Sam hardly acknowledges me unless it is to save you so he will probably forget all about me. You however, you actual are the closest thing to being my friend anyone has gotten to and I have ruined it with these feelings. Look at me rambling. A "Chatty Cathy" as you would put it._

_Well, you are calling for me. I find your prayers rather humorous at times I must admit. Anyways, I must finish this letter. Do me a favor though Dean. Don't get yourself killed. It is the least you owe to your self and Sam at this point._

_Sincerely, Castiel_

Dean put down the letter in the drawer and could feel his bottom lip trembling. He was the reason that Castiel had sacrificed himself. He was why Cas felt unnecessary and a waste of space. He was the reason why Castiel was no longer with him and Sam. 

He carefully lowered the letter and tried to calm himself from crying. He was successful. If by successful you mean his brother coming into his room welding a knife because he could he Dean sobbing from the next room over. 

"Dean are you all right?"

"S-S-Sam," he blubbered. "Yeah of c-course I'm alright, bitch." He struggled with wiping all the tears from his cheeks. 

"Yeah, and I am actually the mother of dragons." Sam scoffed. Walking over to Dean he sat on the bed next to him and pulled Dean in for a hug. "You can tell me if you want to. I don't believe I have ever seen you like this in my life."

"I told you m'fine," his voice was muffled by Sam's shirt. 

"You are blubbering more than a whale jerk. Now come on. Let it loose."

Dean handed the letter to Sam. "C-C-," Dean took a breath, " _he_ left us a letter."

Sam deftly took the letter from Dean and began to read it. Once he finished he just wrapped his arms around Dean, "I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

"I know right? Who just tells a g-guy he loves him out of nowhere like that."

Sam made a surprised sound, "I meant how he thinks we hate him."

"What?"

"Did you seriously only focus on the 'I love you Dean' part?"

Dean looked up to glare at Sam, "of course not. It is just that him saying he loves me and then getting himself possessed. Now I know this is all my fault."

"Dean, did you seriously not know he loved you?" Sam sounded surprised. 

"No! Of course not."

"Because you would have done something if you knew?"

"Of course!"

"Because you love him too?"

"Y- wait no. Because I would let him know I didn't like him that way."

"Well he already assumed you didn't so that wouldn't be necessary now would it?"

Dean groaned, "what are you getting at? I just miss the guy and his stupid binge watching. I miss his stupid nativity when it comes to my damned sexual innuendoes and his stupid love for pbj and his stupid self sacrificing nature and his stupid efforts to be like me and not tell anyone about his personal shit. I miss that stupid moron so much Sam." Dean gestured to the letter, "knowing that he believes we don't care for him makes it so much worse."

Sam frowned, "I am confused on something here."

"What?"

"So you two weren't screwing around behind my back?"

"What? No of course not."

"Huh."

"Huh what?"

"I just assumed you two were seeing each other. But apparently not."

Dean ignored what he said and stared Sam directly in the eye. "Sam, quit your crying. It is time to bring that idiot home."


End file.
